X-Rated Office Plant

"It's a playboy plant, you know one that's a little top heavy" ~Z

There's nothing quite like...

A good poop.

Hate is a very positive emotion...

I think my socks are conspiring to drive me crazy. I hate when they fall down. Time to break the bank and buy some new ones, today's a write off though. Stupid saggy socks. I'm sure it has *nothing* to do with the backs of my shoes being worn out and then applying duct tape to smooth them out, maybe it's time for a fresh strip...

And to think that I make fun of my best friend when her day gets ruined because she put her pants on too soon after applying moisturizer. *sigh*

Its not a hot flash... it's a power surge!

My wife is going through The Change"...
You know, from woman to Grizzly Bear.

~Z

He said: ...I said whatever you want *Honey Bear*

Fresh off facebook

"Yes, I believe in love, yes I am a dreamer. but I am not alone, there are more of us than you suspect, and we've got bombs, truth and beauty bombs." ~Hankie

Love...

“I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”

How do you know this exists? You don't. All you have to go on is someone that you clicked with more than you thought possible, that experience... no matter how brief, gives you hope that there is someone out there looking for you too.

Handwriting, its what you learned in elementary school

So I get this phone call...

Lady: "Hi is Sarah there please?"

Me: "I'm sorry I think you have the wrong number..."

Lady: "Oh, is this 555-5555?"

Me: "Yes it is..." (now slightly confused)

Lady: "I'm looking for Sarah Vincent"

Me: "Well I'm Sam Vincent, but"

Lady: "I guess it could be Sam, I'm calling on behalf of Passion Parties...

Now at this point I'm thinking aww crap I signed myself up to host a party at Rocktoberfest last weekend... allah damnit!

Lady: "... I'd like to congratulate you, you've won the mystery prize!"

Well apparently it's a lucky month for us! I might have been illegally impaired when I entered the contest though, so that would explain the 'Sarah'... poor lady ;o)

Advice...

A good friend of mine once told me that

"Advice is something we ask for when we already know the answer to something, but wish we didn't."

I think sometimes knowing the answer to something, and actually listening to yourself are totally different. That's why there are some people you ask for advice from more than once. They are the people who can make you quiet enough to listen to yourself. They help you tune out the clamors of the outside world and listen to the inner beat that makes you you.

That's why its so hard to find good friends, they can't just think you're funny or smart or confident and well dressed. They have to be able to hear 'you' over themselves... or perhaps in addition to themselves, and know when your beat is off.

A really good friend can tell when you've got the bass of one song and the drum solo of another song even over text messaging, as though they are standing there with you, with their fingers in their ears while you to try sing the chorus. And somehow through all the ruckus you can hear them as clearly as if they are wired right into your impromptu recording studio, calmly saying "Hold on a minute, just breath... now tell me what's wrong."

And instead of thinking about the notes that are coming up, or what you wanted it to sound like, or even worrying about the wording you pour it all out... sometimes in bits and pieces, all out of order like a bad movie. But by the time you're done, they've become the time keeper... the organizer of the chaos, and they've sorted it all out as though it was never broken up in the first place and lay it out... all the notes in the right order, the majors and minors where they should be, and maybe they don't know anything about the song you were singing, but they've just put the chorus in the right place, and brought the bass guitar and the drum solo into the same tempo... and somehow it all matches your beat.

Unique

I did not realize how nerdy I was... until I had to make all my customizations to my new laptop. Its amazing how over time you get things set up *juuuusst right* and it never seems like you've made that many changes.

Now I know better.

I am unique, just like everybody else. ;o)

Terrible joke: How do you catch a unique rabbit? U. nique up on it!

Laughing with the elderly

The funny sister: "Wow that new hair cut takes 10 years off you!"

Elderly lady: "Great, what does that make me... 92?"

Caution mental image may be disturbing for some readers

The funny sister:

"You know the Mom bum, where its all flat... and some of them have a vagina like a walking jelly fish"

*happy dance*

Okanagan Spring Brewery is going to sponsor our Halloween Party!!!!!

We have no idea what exactly that entails, the website hints at possibly booze, games tables, or other fun stuff... but who cares WE'RE GETTING SPONSORED!!!

I love swag :D

Did she seriously just say that?!?!

Lady purchasing vast amount of pizza:

"I'll get two ham and pineapple, one pepperoni and one vegetarian... I know it makes me fat but I don't care *giggle* It was really good yesterday!"

Does it make me a bad person if I muttered "Obviously" under my breath as I walked away?!!!?