Tuesday, March 29, 2011

What is it with 4am?!?!

Apparently I think better when I'm unconscious.

I'm a pretty deep sleeper, so I was already staggering into the living room as I re-gained consciousness... I was vaguely aware of standing there scratching my head trying to figure out what all the racket was, and why it was coming from the corner of the room... my hot water heater was sounding like an idling diesel truck with a bent muffler.


I pulled the cover off... tried to look at it with my eyes closed, then stumbled over to the wall and turned the thermostat all the way down. Silence, even relative silence is golden. I stumbled back to bed, and upon checking how much longer I had to sleep found it was 4am... you have got to be kidding me *sigh* it's gonna be a no-shower double coffee kind of day, I can tell already.

The funny part though was talking to my roommate as he was thinking he should have hauled himself out of bed, because it had occurred to him that I might have just killed all the breakers in the apartment.

I had to admit that it hadn't even occurred to me... although I'm not exactly sure how I thought of the thermostat either.


Omg I just got an automated call from TD Canada Trust for...

*nice recorded voice* Hello, this is TD Canada Trust calling for *automated voice* T.T.S. Error

If you are T.T.S. Error, please press 1.
If you would like to pause this message for a moment while you get T.T.S. Error, please press 2.
If your number has been dialed incorrectly, please press 5.
If you would like to hear this message again, please press the star button.

So of course because I thought it was funny I pressed the star button and it hung up on me... I wonder what they would do if I called customer service back and told them I'd be hung up on?!?

Monday, March 28, 2011


Everyone knows it's righty-tighty, lefty-loosie... so how come the taps in the shower go in opposite directions?!?

Nom nom nom

"Mmmm! Brain Flavor!"

Not that I have any experience whatsoever as to what brains taste like to base this on, but they do kinda taste like chicken...

Hey Internet, does anyone know what brains taste like that is still capable of using a keyboard? If you do, drop me an email.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Definitely spring

I can smell the poopscicles melting!

Sent... While in transit ;)

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Cue the audience

Heh having an entourage of dogs following me around makes me feel like I'm kind of a big deal!

12 on the zombie scale

The dogs decided they had to pee at 4am again this morning... which is what it is, I mean really I'd rather let them out than have them pee on the floor. But the thing is, when I don't get enough sleep I get dysfunctional... like can't remember my own name dysfunctional.

So, there I am standing outside Tim Hortons trying to remember where the heck I parked my car... and trying to figure out how I lost it in such a small parking lot... when it occurs to me that I'm not driving my car, I'm driving the PT.

*shakes head* you might be tired when...

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Mild mannered Sam by day...

This evening was interesting... hectic... crazy even!

It started out normal enough, I was house-sitting, chilling with the dogs, and chatting with my Mom about Dad leaving to start his adventure again when my roommate's Mom called...

It was along the lines of "Nate's having trouble with his truck, I can't do anything from here, I'm bringing his alternator down tomorrow evening but he needs to get to school for the next two days can you help him?" I assured her that I would call her son and figure something out, and not to worry.

Talking to him, his evening could have been turned into a lesson on how to trash talk your truck 101, complete with an addendum of responses from the truck. I didn't follow the mechanics of all the troubles he had... but it's along the lines of the alternator was going... he knew it was, but had his fingers crossed it would last two more days. The big indicator was stalling at a light on the way home and not being able to start it, then jump starting it in reverse cause it's a standard, leaving it running without the fan on and blowing the starter out the side of the engine block *squints* I think that about covers it.

Oh right and he wasn't so concerned about getting the alternator down here... as he was that he didn't know which tools he would need. He was sounding a little stressed, I told him I was going to make some calls, and that in the mean time he should take a deep breath ;)

Three phone calls, a friend who's a mechanic and some musical cars later I had it sorted... I would go to taekwondo to get a couple extra classes in before my belt test next week, drop my car off with him at the apartment and borrow my friend's. If she needed it tomorrow I would drop it off at her place and walk to work, if not well even better I can still get my Timmy's in the morning!

Driving home in the PT Cruiser though gave me a chance to reflect on the events of the evening... and I realized that the ability to rally your resources and just "make something work, one way or another" comes from my best friend's family.

With them, it doesn't matter who it is, if you need help they're the ones you want on your side... They have a way of pulling together, organizing and making it work. It's absolutely incredible to witness... once someone has figured out what needs to happen, there's no huge debate, it just gets done... one step at a time, with as many people called in as necessary.

It's a pretty good feeling when you can help someone else out, especially when they've tied a knot and they're hanging from the end of their rope. At the end of the day, we've all been there... when your panties are so twisted they've cut off circulation to your brain, and really... lets be honest, one of these days I'm going to need a friend when I don't know it.

So here's to paying karma forward a little, or maybe just catching up on some of the karma I must have used on our boat shenanagins ;)


Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Baby steps

Remember when I said I didn't want to tell you I was doing taekwondo because I didn't want to jinx my going? Well I'm proud to say I have been attending quite regularly *smiles*

Hehe Bwains!

Monday, March 21, 2011

D to the O.G.S!

Dogs do not understand Physics.

They believe that no matter how many of them there are, your lap will expand to accommodate.

They're not sure what the idiot that came up with laptops was thinking, because laps are for dogs... obviously this person didn't own a dog or they would have known better.

Despite their short legs making them look deceivingly smaller, Basset Hounds still weigh a lot... especially when they step on your bladder. Even if you didn't have to pee, you do now.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Cooking for more than one

Heh I just accidentally fed your dog a slice of pizza... and by accidentally I mean that basset hounds can jump as high as a piece of pizza and by slice I actually meant half a slice.

Good thing I made a whole pizza pie!


Despite the lingering snow on the ground Kim has broken out the flip-flops, granted there's only about a 4 month period where she *doesn't* wear them.

I guess that, and I've had the bike out for the first couple snow-free rides, and gotten my beginning of season pinch flat. I always forget that my tires need to be more inflated for the start of season side-walk ride... and that I have not yet mastered the hop to get both tires up onto the sidewalk.

The attempt usually starts out well, I get the front tire up onto the curb... results after that vary from slamming my back tire into said curb all the way to, um, falling off my bike somehow. Believe me, if I had any idea what was going awry after the front tire I would have remedied it by now. It's on my list of things to conquer.

So it's officially spring, as far as I'm concerned!

Your Keeper

Everyone has a keeper in their life, someone who keeps their secrets... or knows things before they've officially happened. New jobs, new boyfriends, a baby on the way, hopes and dreams... fears.

Things that change your life.

Sometimes its hard being a keeper, because when everyone else is let in on the secret you still have to pretend you didn't already know. It's special though, when only you and someone else know something...

"I promise not to tell anyone in the entire world." I have uttered this phrase and meant every word of it more than once in my life. If I keep my word, you and I are the only ones who will know...  It's such an honour that you trust me to keep your secrets.

I will gladly give up being known as your best friend, for being the person you can turn to when you need someone to talk to. I will share in your joys, and your deepest darkest secrets, and help you through troubled times even if all I can do is listen... Above all else, I will keep it to myself...

I'm not perfect but neither are you, but I'm a friend you keep... a keeper of memories, a keeper of secrets, a keeper of friendship. I'm the person you can call at 3am, even if you never need to. Someone you can tell anything to, because I already know more about your life than anyone really should, in fact I could blackmail you with it. I wont though, you know enough about mine to do the same.

This to will pass, and the changes themselves will change again, but friendship remains. Even if we don't talk for years I will keep you and your memories tucked away safely until the next time they're needed.


Friday, March 18, 2011

I am an adult child of hippies

I was raised on powdered milk... and to add insult to injury, my closest extended family members love to bring it up and embarrass me with it every chance they get...

Hold up though I know it doesn't sound *that* bad, but that isn't the worst of it...

The worst of it is when the person I'm talking to nods knowingly, while giving me a look somewhere between revulsion and fascination, and says "Oooohhhhh" while nodding in the affirmative, as if it explains so many things about me that they just never understood until now.

We can't drink milk in the winter up here because it freezes in the cow... that's how we invented milkshakes. 

Oh, and just in case you were wondering, I'm pretty sure powdered milk comes from dehydrated cows...

IT camo

I was having a great discussion this morning with our IT guy... similar to how you survive a zombie apocalypse, although still involving brains only on a much smaller, less dangerous scale.

We realized that to blend in with an IT illiterate crowd one simply needs to add 'the' in front of the technical words and then use the plural... so instead of saying "What about Outlook?", you would say "What about the Outlooks?"

I'm thinking this is where 'The Interwebs' came from

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Happy St. Paddy's!

It was fascinating, in high-school we had a teacher that true to her heritage would read a Robby Burns poem over the PA... I haven't thought of it in years, but today I missed it. The thick gutteral Scottish accent that washed over you like you'd been maytagged after falling off your surfboard ;)

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Sam's tech support, how may I help you?

So I get this text message around 10:50 this morning...

"Activate security software? Do I hav dat ?"

Which was shortly followed by a phone call... From my half of the conversation which was along the lines of

"No, don't click that... Go to your start menu... yep... no... okay see Malwarebytes... yeah Malwarebytes... run that... yep just click it... there should be an update tab... what?!?... no second or third tab over, it should say 'Update'... yeah... no no, close that it shouldn't be a pop up window... go back to the first window you opened... *sigh*open it again... the error message says you can't run exe files? Ooooh that's bad. Yeah, turn it off I'll come take a look at it over lunch..."

My IT guy at work quickly figured out what I was troublshooting and provided the following helpful and insightful information on getting rid of viruses;

Just tell him to:
  1. Unplug the network cable
  2. Turn the computer off
  3. Take it out into the driveway, and drive over it with his truck
  4. Drive down to Futureshop and buy a new computer
  5. Plug it in
  6. Turn it on
There. Fixed!

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

You can take the wench off the pirate ship...

There were two old-school good songs in a row on the mix CD someone left in my car this morning... 

I like big butts and Unpredictable... it's going to be a great day!


Friday, March 11, 2011

Dear Payworks...

You may come out of the burlap sack now!

I'm glad to see that the beating had a positive effect, and you've stopped resizing my browser to fill both of my monitors. Splitting up the pertinent information with the crack was really annoying, especially when every time I clicked a new link you would resize the window to huge again even though I'd just made it smaller.

You have no idea how happy this makes me, it's the little things that count.

Occupational hazard

#1. The best way to get your IT problem solved is to have someone else report the problem you are having on your behalf...

Report Stooge: "So and so is having this problem, why haven't you fixed it yet?"
Me in my best peaches and cream voice: "Really? How long have they been having this problem?"
*alarm bells should be ringing* 
Report Stooge: "Uh, I think a few weeks now..."
Me: "Really?!? Well that's interesting... This is the first I've heard of it, otherwise I would have fixed it already"

You actually have to tell me what the problem is before I start working on it. It truly is amazing how that works...

Tuesday, March 08, 2011

Ewww... gross

If you have a weak stomach, or really just don't like gross things that are normally associated with elementary aged children... then don't read any further. If you do anyways, then it's your own fault and I will not be held responsible for the consequences... you have been warned!

Dude... I just power sneezed while eating the last half of my granola bar... all over my glasses *and* my bare tube topped chest...

*sooooo gross*

Luckily I was able to slink into the private pooper in the first aid room for a veritable sponge bath. Even as I type this and I realize that I'm telling you anyways I guess it really doesn't matter if the hallway was clear or not... Although it might have been vomit inducing, glad I didn't find out...

Yep that pretty much negates any attempt at dressing me up, and it definitely puts the ass back in classy...

Raise the bar up... high as you can

"Always dream and shoot higher than you know you can do. Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself."

~ William Faulkner, Author

Sunday, March 06, 2011

Where's my head at

I'm not exactly sure what's wrong with me, but this morning I managed to park in *front* of a fire hydrant...

I don't know if it was some spring fever, with the shining green grass and warbling birds this morning...

Maybe it was because all the good people had filled up the church parking lot, or because there was a snowbank occupying my usual overflow parking location... or maybe I was just overly excited to start the girls brunch and hot tub morning...

Whatever the case I was saved my car windows were saved by Aunt Charlene pointing out that I should maybe move my car... so this morning's church congregation was treated to me jogging outside, in my jammie pants and re-parking my car.

*shakes head* 

You might be Canadian...

Honda Fit $19000 + change...
Free outdoor parking included in apartment rental $1000
Snow scraper from Canadian Tire $7.99

Needing to get the frozen ice off your windshield before you can drive to Canadian Tire and buy a snow scraper? Giving new meaning to the phrase "For everything else there's MasterCard" by using it in ways it was never intended?


Thursday, March 03, 2011

A collection of thoughts...

Shhhhh I'm working on the crinkles in the corner of my eyes...*smiles*

When I'm old and wear purple I hope the stories my wrinkles tell, are ones filled with laughter and so many smiles it makes your stomach hurt. Not absent tears and worry, adding a delicate balance and perspective to the beautiful things in this world.

I want it to be an unspoken record that I was involved, rather than just watching things happen. In seeing, I want to be able look beyond the obvious, beyond the brash actions of anger to the source and understand where the hurt comes from.

It takes great courage to approach your differences, understanding is required on both sides to see the sacrifices and know the true value of concessions in a compromise.

I want to be a mirror, one that reflects all the good in the people around me. Then, when someone tells me I'm a beautiful person, I can tell them in all honesty not to look to me, but to themselves.

It isn't events that shape human history, it is the people who pulled together and helped one another that defines who we are and how far we've come.

Helping one another in times of need is what makes us humankind, these are our greatest accomplishments.

If you could stop, and see yourself through the eyes that love you, I hope you'd find someone you wanted to be friends with too.

Tuesday, March 01, 2011

Daily sillyness

Check out the name that showed up in my inbox this morning!

As if this isn't the coolest last name evar! It would almost pass as an excuse when you get in trouble for having a trucker mouth... Weeeeeelllllll, okay maybe not.

I will just continue to blame that on proximity tourettes.