One more drop in the Ocean

Yesterday the ocean kicked my ass... and I cried a little, both in it, aaaaaaand again when I got out...

I just got so frustrated... hell I'm still frustrated!

Like confidence crushing frustrated like "maybe I just can't do this..." and "maybe I should just give up and go in" and "maybe I really didn't use to pick things up naturally, maybe that was just everyone being nice" *sigh* Pairing all that with my natural stubbornness I probably stayed out longer than absolutely necessary before I decided that I really was tired nay exhausted, and that the possibility of getting up  (remote as it had been when I started) was quickly diminishing to a big fat ZERO.

For something that I've done before, and enjoyed up in Tofino... It sure sucks not being able to get up when I can see other people getting up down here, and then on top of that getting stuck in the wave crush zone on the way out so that by the time a nice wave comes in again you're too tired to get up...

Or it flips you over, and rips your board out of your hands... and tugs on your board leash...

Or sucks you under and tumbles you a little bit just for fun... and tugs on your board leash again...

Or it chucks you off face first and forcibly rinses your brain out through your nostrils...

Or gets you all excited like you might actually do it this time, and then just rolls on by...

I'm pretty sure the Ocean was toying with me yesterday, and I'm pretty sure I have salt water in my brain... because I definitely have sand in my ears.


On a lighter note, the sunset was gorgeous... as was the bronzed lifeguard that ran up the pier and jumped off to assist a kite boarder that had managed to get himself tangled up...

#1 reason not to get a flu shot

True to natural cycles I picked up the flu this Christmas, probably somewhere in the airport...

*fake smile* It's the gift that everyone just keeps re-gifting!

About the only upside I can think of to having the flu after Christmas, is that once you've puked up twice your body weight, and completely and utterly exhausted yourself by being sick waaaaay past the point of being sick... you either come out of it lighter, or at very least a net zero in regards to the extra pounds you gained complimentary of those second and third helpings of scalloped potatoes.

It also gives you a greater appreciation for the health and well being that you've experienced up until this point when you realize just how quickly and effortlessly you can be reduced to a sniveling helpless blob of biomass.

In fact, this tried, tested and true formula has been refined for thousands of years... and is completely natural! Forget that lemon-cayan cleanse that everyone at work has been talking about doing that lasts all week, this baby'll clean you out in 24 hours or less*!!!

*Disclaimer: It may take more than a week for you to recover...

So you had a bad day

There's nothing in this world quite like a bad day... especially the kind where you exhale until there's a vacuum in your chest, and you feel surely that at any moment you'll disappear into the negative space only spoken about in hushed whispers of calculus discussions...

and then an eternity in a second...

before the tears explode.

Breathe.

One of the benefits of getting older, is knowing that this too shall pass...

That whatever it is that isn't okay in my little world, will sort itself out one way or another, and be okay again.

Besides, someone once told me...

"Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end yet!"

Pah, puny human!

Every once in a while karma reminds me that I'm only human. In the way, that only karma can.

This generally happens any time I start to think that my superior immune system renders me impervious to the plights of weaker ones.

That's about the time I'm reduced to a pathetic, achy, congested, sneezing, snivelling mess of a human being. Unfit to walk to the corner store. One that is about as far as possible, from the supposed peak of evolutionary development we like to consider ourselves to be...

But this cold has got me thinking (for the briefest of moments anyways)... That seriously? This runny snotty mess is the most efficient way we've come up over the last six million years to get rid of internal disease and pestilence?

I'm not impressed.

I would ponder this further, but my congestion has backed up into my cerebral cortex and everything is grinding to a halt.

No match for even the tiniest of virus and bacterium.

Absolutely pathetic.

I spit on you... *haauughch-tuu!*

Tuesday, the Universe took great pleasure in reminding me that I'm not one of the big kids on the playground ... and that it's most definitely *not* my turn on the monkey bars by pushing me off, spitting in my face, and making me bleed my own blood.


It hurt. A lot. I might've even said a bad word... but then I stopped, collected myself, and promptly got angry that I was bleeding through my new Christmas sock. That was followed shortly by my calm zen jumping out of the car without warning and doing the chinese fire drill... One of those moments, when time slows down and and the entire universe comes crashing in on top of your head... when an entire days worth of asstasticness snowballed into a colossal hairball and barfed itself up onto the carpet.

Okay, so you're thinking "Ow!" but it's just a stupid stubbed toe right?

No, it was the beginning of THE END OF THE WORLD, and NOBODY LOVED ME... and I was going to GROW OLD AND DIE ALONE. With *hundreds* of cats.  I know that I don't have much in life to complain about. So the fact that I wanted to curl up in a ball on the carpet and dissolve into tears over a stupid stubbed toe, just made me feel guilty that I was being so pathetic about the whole thing... which needless to say, didn't really make me feel any better either.

So I did the only thing I could think of, and called my Dad... and had a little cry. "Aiiii stuBBDed myyyyyyyy toooooOOoooe *snurfleuppagus*" After he figured out that I was more upset than injured he did the best job of being my Dad and making me laugh through my tears like he's always been able to.


Thanks Dad, thanks for being there to talk through my sniffles and hiccups, about all the silly little things in the world, and laugh with me over bleeding on the carpet for the first time in almost 30 years. We certainly were well trained growing up ;)

LA the city of lights - The Beginning

I hardly know where to begin the tale of my pilgrimmage to Xenacon 2012. I think partly because doing so means I'm writing the conclusion... and the conclusion means you've come to the end.

I don't want it to be over. But here they are, my collection of thoughts

Flying into LA at night was amazing, the city spilled out over the hills in all directions flowing densely through the valleys. In some places the lights were crystal clear, and in others they were twinkling as if you were looking at them through salt water mixed with fresh. The smog was so dense, it turned the plane window into a portal to another time and place.  

 

The highways, byways and freeways pulsed to the distinct rhythm of the city, two continuously flowing streams of red and white blood cells.

As a testament to how busy LA is, I finally witnessed Einstein's explanation of perspective in relation to moving bodies. Nearing the airport we passed another plane traveling in the opposite direction, and although we were traveling around 500 mph at the time it felt like we were barely moving, and it looked like the other plane was doing mach 10... it was soooo fast!

Absolutely incredible! I'm totally the kid who left nose and finger prints on the window...

"The Cabin"

My best friend's parents have a 'cabin'... it's a 26 or so foot camper, parked under a roof with a huge deck (everybody likes a man with a big... deck), spare room, and loft with two tents set up in it! There are showers and flush toilets just across the way, and the power doesn't go out until 10ish depending on whether or not the guy in charge is watching a movie ;)

This is the view from the lookout I biked up to, it was only about an hour and a half but hoo boy I should have left my bike at the bottom of that last steep bit.

Went swimming a little later, and these are the eyes of The Hellcat... Beautiful, tired, almost hypothermic, still wants to go swimming... Hellcat.

Give me one ping...

4 low quiet beeps, pause, 4 more

 Listen really carefully, standing in the companionway, sounds are faint and seem to come from the lazarette. It's dark. I'm drifting, becalmed.  Sails down, engine off.  All is quiet.

 Electrical?  Everything is shut down, dead calm, conserving electricty.  Is something on?  Is there an alarm, instrument or something going off??

WHOOSH = almost an explosion right next to the boat!  I jump, heart rate hits new record.

Adrenaline rush.

I've been pinged by a whale! who surfaces less than 30 m away and he's BIG judging by the swirl but I can't see much - he's gone.  I hope he's not amorous and looking for a snuggle, or pissed and wanting to hit something.  Haven't seen anything alive for days.  He comes up a couple minutes later maybe 20 m away, blows again and has a good look I guess.  Scares me again.

Have to wonder if the underside of the boat looks like a sleeping potential mate.  That could be a worry 'cause he was way bigger than the boat.

And he's gone.

Heart slows down to normal after awhile.  This can't be good for me.

Love Dad
-----
At 13/08/2011 3:53 AM (utc) our position was 18°33.51'S 158°43.70'W

Is Mom there?

After an epic battle I was rudely awakened from the depths of slumber at 4am... uh not feeling so good...

I hate being sick, I so wouldn't have survived back in the day when sick or not you still had livestock to look after, or bandits to fight, or dragons to slay...

It served as a not so gentle reminder that no matter how healthy you are, how old you are, how well you are doing in life, or anything else for that matter... all it takes is the flu, for you to be reduced to a blubbering pile of pathetic goo that just wants its Mom.

I even tried calling my Mom actually, but she was sick too *pouts* I talked to Dad for a bit but it just wasn't the same (sorry Dad) sometimes a girl just needs her Mom... and chicken soup, and a movie... thank goodness I have people in my life looking out for me, thanks guys!

Its a zoo!

The last couple days have been crazy and consisted of running around, sightseeing and trying to do it all while spending as little money as possible... which is difficult to say the least when you aren't familiar with how a place is laid out, and when everything you need isn't anywhere near where you're staying. I don't think we've quite got the hang of it, but we've gotta be getting there!

We went back to the zoo, and it's huge! Look Mom they have the hedges from Babar!

It's crazy how many different animals they had from all over the world. We were quickly lost wandering through the pathways from one exhibit to the next... ooooh Dad check out this one! I thought the lions were great, the male lion had just finished drinking and went over and started licking his mates face, it was so similar to the behaviour of a house cat it was weird to see such a big ferocious kitty being all affectionate. Of course you can tell they're well fed as they have very little interest in the meatscicles just outside the fence although I'm sure they've thought about... in fact I betcha that's what he's thinking here ;o) But instead they're flaked out in the sunshine... I think lions really do have solar cell tummies.

I was absolutely mesmerized by a dancing elephant. She was hanging out near a little coffe shop that was playing music, standing there swaying to the beat like it was the most natural thing in the world. It was incredibly cool *smiles* I think I could've hung out and just watched her all day.

I'm pretty sure this is a kingfisher of some kind.

And this is an American wood duck.

There were lots of really cool birds, but they were hard to get good pictures of. Beatiful colours though, and they all bounced and moved around so quickly. Hehe I think they have an even worse attention span than I do and seem to change their minds even in mid flight... ooooh shiny! It was also super cool to see some of the really BIG birds up close, like Condors... it made my stomach jump when one glided down from his perch and blocked out the sun for a minute. I mean they look big sitting there waiting for dead stuff, but when they unfold their 8 -10 foot wing span... there's part of you that doesn't want to find out if they can carry you away!

We also checked out the Pandas and the Koalas. They were super cute! They've got a baby panda... 'Nuff said ;o)

Oooh I loved the polar bears too, this guy was sleeping but he looked just like a dog... his feet would twitch occasionally like he was running and every once in awhile he'd move his head a little.

Oh and that scale you see in the background? I weigh as much as a 3 month old cub *s*

It wasn't nearly a long enough day to do and see everything, but it was very cool. It sure makes you wonder though... for all these animals we do know about, and those that are endangered... How many more are there that we know nothing about?

There was this one animal a Takin from China it looks like this

Its fairly large and yet it was only recently discovered because it's very, very shy. Dude. The thing is huge, if we didn't know anything about that... then I know we've got a lot of learning to do still.

I think that despite the bad things that people think about zoos, the more we can learn about the world we live in before we completely mess it is invaluable. I also think that the potential for educating the number of people that go through the zoo is a good thing. Even if it only makes them pause and think a little bit more about the world around them and the impact they have on it, well it's a step in the right direction.

After looking at all these beautiful animals, and then finding out that some of them are endangered. It makes you want to help out, even if it is something that 30 seconds ago you didn't even know it existed.

"Nobody makes a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could do only a little." ~Edmund Burke

If in doubt... sleep with your boots on

Twas a dark and stormy night, the wind howling through the shrouds. All around the distant sound of clanking, not quite in time with the swell or the wind... but with a rhythm all its own. The screaming creak of mooring lines straining to maintain their hold, and a full body boat shudder as though every muscle is tensed and shaking... trying to stay in position.

Gradually I awake to the full body vibration of the diesel engine. Somethings not right, the pitching and rolling has changed, and I can hear the Captain scurrying around on deck... the clank followed by the thud of the mooring shackle. With my body in the waking world, and my mind still deeply in the dream realm I stagger out of bed.

I find the Captain at the tiller, peering intently into the night wind and rain... in his skivvy's and a t-shirt. I know better than to ask any questions at this point. Waiting to be told what to do, I put on a jacket and stand there... half ready to do anything. Switching on the depth sounder, and gathering a headlamp and a jacket, my presence is welcomed and I take over steering while the Captain lays the anchor down.

Anchoring in the middle of the night, me in my jammies and Dad in his... is but a fuzzy dream like memory. Almost as if it never happened. But our relocation, along with the leftover wind and chop from the storm, and the Coast Guard warnings on the radio say otherwise. Even the seagulls are not impressed.

I trust this boat, if not yet fully our skill as sailors. Its cozy and safe inside, despite the relentless wind and incessant rain. She rides the waves with an easy gait, as if walking an old well worn path with comforting familiarity... She after all, has been here before and brings with her a quiet confidence that this storm too shall pass.

Wow!

Despite all the warnings, and potential for mass amounts of chaos with shipping lanes, traffic, shoals, currents, tides and fog... our sail in under the Golden Gate bridge was completely without drama. Okay mostly, we both yelled at the AIS when it beeped for the umpteenth time that 'Harbour Princess' was on a collision course because it was anchored inside the bay.

It was absolutely incredible! I mean, I was already feeling like a pretty insignificant part of the Universe after being out under the stars above from horizon to horizon, and the phosphorescents shooting out the back of the boat like balls of wizards fire... but sailing under the Golden Gate bridge is something in a class all its own.

There was a little fog, hardly any traffic, and porpoises zipping all over the place! I was caught between trying to get pictures of all the awesomeness, not get my camera wet in the spray, and not give Dad an aneurysm... (it stresses him out a little when he's trying to do something and I'm taking pictures)

It was sooooo cool! I don't know it probably took us a couple hours to get in, but it was pretty neat sailing in *grins* I froze my butt off in my shorts, but I was way too busy to change!

Awesomesauce

First of all, thanks Dan! I have the wickedest brother in the entire world, he got us an awesome deal on a rental car and set it all up from Alberta, pretty much before we were done having breakfast.

Since we've fetched up in California I've been itching to check out the Ancient Redwoods, something I've wanted to do ever since I first heard about them. The Captain has been giving me a hard time about this, seeing as our family has checked out the enourmous Douglas Firs in Cathedral Grove, the Three Sisters - Spruce trees in Caramanah, and other large trees in our 'back yard' while growing up.

We spent today between the contrasting traipse through the Fern Gully-esque Redwoods, and an Earnhardt-esque rally car drive down the Redwood Avenue. I *almost* asked the Captain if he was trying to qualify ;). Fear not! My stomach having been hardened on windy BC logging road switchbacks had no problems whatsoever...

This tree was completely burnt out inside, it was freaking huge! I'm the little ant crawling out of a hole in the bottom left... Ooops sorry I meant the other left.

 
This is the representative 'Founders Tree', I just love how it looks like it has twisted it's way up.

I had a really hard time narrowing down just a few pictures to sum up the rest of the day... but here they are. And this is why I didn't find a decent internet connection today.

Me! On top of a DEADTREE!

Ze Captain in a cavern...

It was captivating and beautiful, and the air smelled faintly sweet... not like perfume or flowers... just old nice. It wouldn't have surprised me in the least if a fairy had landed on my shoulder, it was absolutely magical. I couldn't stop smiling, thanks so much Dad I had the most wonderful day :)

I should know better...

But I found myself with a little 'down time' (I jest I know) so I took The New Hotness for a hike down to the old lighthouse. And by hike I mean hour and a half bushwack... I had regained my senses for the way back though so I took the well established trail, and that only took a half an hour ;o)

Ooooh look a froggy! This was my first live specimen. Have I mentioned how much I am in love with this camera even though I don't know how to do much more than turn it on?!?! Just LOOK how cute he is!



After re-acquainting myself with the unforgiving ways of the back 40, I found myself moderatey misplaced. I wasn't lost per-se as I knew more or less where I was, and I was never anywhere that I couldn't have gotten home from... I just wasn't quite where I *wanted* to be.

So a few scrapes, bruises, slides and some seaweed later I made it to the old light house. It was so overgrown that I didn't even bother taking a picture. But I got a couple of other cool ones along the way.



This is where I grew up, this was my back yard. I can't believe I never got really for real lost.

Philosophication

Today I discovered Project Gutenberg. Okay it was yesterday, but today I realized how incredible it is. *nerd alert* In one seemingly small line of code on the command prompt I invoked a recursive download. I feel like I'm downloading the Internet, and that if I'm not careful my laptop will spontaneously break the laws of physics and melt into a black hole consuming the Universe in its wake!

Although I've been feverishly checking the space constraints on my laptop I've downloaded thousands upon thousands of titles in little over 2GB... with 42GB still left to go, I should be okay. I am a little nervous though as the last posted space estimate for downloading the entire project puts it at 15GB in 2004.

It should be okay, I'll just keep an eye on it. Right? Right?!!? *chews fingers down to first knuckle*

I've been randomly flipping through folders of items that have already been downloaded and I'm excited at the prospect of being able to do it when I will have a chance to read the contents. Its like the first tentative tastes of a meal the cook has not yet declared fit for consumption, that makes your mouth water and your stomach demand more.

This project only has books that are in the public domain, so basically all the classics, Jules Vern, Mark Twain, Shakespear... endless biographies of philosophers long dead. And yet these literary works that I was not spoon fed the puree in school, or forced to dissect into the smallest most basic building block excite me. They hold wonders unread, thoughts I've yet to think, and new perspectives on old ideas that directly relate to problems we still face today. They say that history repeats itself, but how can it not... we take leaps of faith in a direction already tried and expect something different to happen.

Maybe just maybe by standing on the literary works of giants, I can expand upon those thoughts and think something that nobody has ever thought before. Wish me luck, its apt to be a long journey.

Dear Cosmos,

Whoever is sucking the energy out of me... can you please ask them to reduce the volume of suck to a manageable level? I promise I'll last much longer as a renewable energy source. Thanks.

Ever the student...

Yesterday I came face to face with something I'd been ignoring.

I'm interested in learning how to use the bo-staff, and I was asked the question "So you want to learn how to use weapons" and I stuttered on the answer, like my brain could no longer direct my lips... and it wasn't indecision, I want to learn it. But up until that point I had only thought of it from a defensive point of view.

It brought me back to the truth. Objects in themselves are neither good nor bad, it is all in how they are used. How we choose to use them. In any case, you need to understand how to use all aspects of something to allow you to choose how to use it and use it properly.

I want to learn how to use weapons, the manner in which I choose to use them will in turn show what kind of person I am. That scares me a little.

The stolen generation...

Last night I attended a local showing of a child slavery documentary entitled "Stolen Childhoods". Wow. It was very well done and although I don't think it addressed all the issues that lead to child slavery, it is a place to start.

There is a great quote "Don't think that a small group of organized citizens can't change the world. Indeed it is the only thing that ever has" Margaret Mead

Although I don't think that this film looked at the whole picture, similar to a doctor treating the symptoms rather than the problem, it is a place to start. And I believe that starting on anything that helps to make any child's life better is better than doing nothing at all because we don't know how to fix the whole problem.

Now I haven't read much about the industrial revolution in Britain, but I'm wondering if perhaps there are some similarities to what we are now seeing in many third world countries. During the industrial revolution, and also during the war many children were forced to work, either to help support their family or because they were small enough to easily fit into the small spaces required. I think that as these countries go through a similar development period we are seeing children forced to work again, but on a much larger level. There are way more children living in conditions that are deplorable. Perhaps we should look to our past to help them pave the way to their future.

I also had another thought, part of the problem is that the markup is occurring at the end of a product's selling cycle. Perhaps there should be some way to break down the cost of something fairly. For example a can of coffee is sold for $12... which is a 4000% markup from what the farms and the people who pick it are actually paid. Is there not some way to distribute the profit more fairly? Perhaps companies selling the end product need to realize that they are responsible for where their product comes from, and how it is made.

Last Monday the Universe kicked the holy living shit out of me

Even that is an understatement.

During my 10 hours of vomiting and pooping through a pin hole, I contemplated the expression 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' and then resumed my begging of the Universe or any entity that was listening to just let me curl up in a little ball on the nice cold linoleum floor and die, because it would be *so* much easier that way. really I promise that you have yet again asserted your dominance and superiority over me I AM INSIGNIFICANT!

It was one of those moments when you are able to truly understand a statement such as 'you can continue vomiting long after you think you've finished'. I felt like I threw up and pooped out twice my body weight, it was one of those seriously body? we're puking again? where did you even find this watery liquid that we are throwing up? Are you sucking it straight out of my cells? Because let me tell you, when I was done I felt like something that would be served at a bar, right next to the pickled eggs, dehydrated Sam... "Just add water, for your fully functional life size female model"

According to a doctor in training that I know, she figures I probably lost 10-15% of my body's liquid composition. It felt like a lot more. I felt like I was only composed of 40% water instead of the required 70% water that makes up most people. Walking the two and a half door lengths to the washroom and back felt like the trek that some African children make every day for fresh water. I gained a new appreciation for the perspective the elderly speak from when they say someone has a lot of energy.

A highlight of this experience was that I relearned that my body has more reserves than I give it credit for, that I can keep moving long after my mind is physically exhausted, and that I can make it to the bathroom one. more. time. because I *have* to. and that a friend who is willing to care for your basic needs of replenishing liquid when you are too tired to do it yourself is worth their weight in gold.

My Grandpa fought during WWII, and he always said "If you don't have your health you don't have anything"... the significance of all else pales in comparison when you're busy puking your guts out.