Thursday, July 29, 2010

Appropriate lunch time conversation...

This may or may not be appropriate lunch time conversation, but our server prompted the discussion so I just had to share it... she was a girl of indeterminate age, full of bubbles and sunshine of the overly helpful variety... like the kind that would wash and dry your car for you while asking how your day went and intently listening to your response.

Which started it all off...

A: I just hate servers from all those places like Montanna's, and Eastside Marios and, and that other place... Where they're so overly friendly like *girly voice* "Hi my name's <> and I want to be your new best friend for today!"

A: You know where they write their name upside-down on the paper-roll table cloth? That's great Freddie, I don't care if you can write your name upside-down... with crayon even, I'm still not going to use it. But congratulations on conquering the crayon, now how can I trust you'll even get my order right... are you sure you can use that pen? Or would you like a crayon?

A: Oooh and don't even get me started, when they show up and crouch down on one knee... and they're all in your personal space, like they're your best friend?!?! Just makes me want to say "Eff you!" and walk out!

A: It's like they've been given a bubbles and sunshine shot or something...

Me: More like sunshine up their... umm... their... damn what's that called?

A: Haha yeah like a sunshine enema, that's it! It's like they've all been given a sunshine enema!?!?

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Subway, don't let the mustard get fresh with the cheese

So the lady in front of me at Subway just asked the sandwich-artist "she'll get your veggies for you" girl to put the mayo down first... because she doesn't like it when the mustard touches the cheese. Seriously. WTF?!?! *throws hands up*

My nephew has that problem with things not touching on his plate. But he's eight. And it doesn't extend to the condiments *inside* a sandwich.

I must say I was impressed when she just smiled and nodded and attempted to make sure that the mustard was *only* on top of the mayo... they must get all kinds of weird requests in relation to how to make sandwiches.

Everyday ordinary

I find myself pausing and trying to absorb all of the things around me, the temperature, the way the wind caresses my skin but most of all the smells, and sounds of summer. I've heard that when you spend time out at sea you can smell land when you get back. Just thinking about being surrounded by all that ocean, I want memories of things other than just food to miss.

This weekend I was up in Revelstoke with a family who has accepted me as part of their own. They are nothing like the family I grew up in, but they have filled in a portion of my life that would otherwise have remained empty. I've learned many things from them, most of them I'm not even sure I can explain as they are things that must be experienced...

The feeling of being in the middle of organized chaos, the day to day soap opera of life... Kids running around, fighting, getting into things, learning, reading, and looking up to you. Problems with jobs, with friends, with boyfriends and money. The knowledge that there will always be something in life to worry about, and that its relative. There will always be something at the top of that list, but its the same for everyone else.

I've learned that talking about your problems doesn't always fix them, but sometimes it makes you feel better... and at very least sometimes it makes someone else feel better. That no matter what is going on, no matter how long you're away for things change and carry on without you.

This weekend I was woken up by a wet-willy, and instead of being angry it made me smile. Why you might ask? Because it reminded me of a little blond-haired boy who used to wake me up by plugging my nose, and convulse in giggles when I woke up in a minor panic and surprised him. *Every* time.

The thing is little kids, are only little for a little while. They aren't waking you up just to drive you crazy... They're waking you up because they miss you while you're sleeping. Because they are excited to *do* things with you again *smiles* So before I set off on my voyage of a lifetime, I'll treasure the memory of a wet-willy wakeup because he'll be older, and may have outgrown it when I pass this way again. He might not have either, but one never knows.

*blink* *blink*

Just looked at the bottom of my coffee cup for the third time. It's still empty. Obviously this is an indication that I need more coffee.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010


Buahahaha I'm listening to my boss "yell" as in talk sternly to one of our users... a guy from S&M (Sales and Marketing... nearly died the first time I heard that abbreviation) who is the slowest talker I know... I have almost said a couple times "Now, think about what you're going to say, and then say it" like I used to with my little brother. When he was 5. He used to get so excited he just couldn't get the words out.

Friday, July 23, 2010


I know this is something little, something most people probably don't even notice let alone give a second thought to... but. When you borrow the spare chair in my office, put it back where you found it when you're done.

I mean really, do you honestly think that I needed something else to trip over *directly* behind me? Besides, if you are trying to hinder my escape from zombies that wont work. It might get you an up close and personal interview with a pointy object though, at least until they ban those from working environments.

-10 Acheivement awards for irritating me on Friday. I'm going for lunch now... mmmm lunch.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Love can't be explained, merely felt with the heart

"The distance between two hearts is not an obstacle... rather a beautiful reminder of just how strong true love can be..."

So then I was thinking...
How much love can one heart hold?
It can't, that's why you have to continually give as much love as you can to those around you.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Preventative stripper measures

I maintain this weight, to stay off the pole. ~Large t-shirt


There should be a Joxer religious medal and it should be worn for all the peeps that can't land the babe.

Joxer - the patron saint of "not even if you were the last person on earth".

Monday, July 19, 2010

The quilt of our lives

"My body's the needle, my soul is the thread" ~Hank

Friday, July 16, 2010


I think I almost just sneezed my pharynx out. Don't worry I'm okay.

A little birdie told me...

"It's time for you to get up lazybones!"

So I'm lying in bed this morning, and I'm the perfect temperature, like when you can't feel the blankets or anything. And I'm trying without much success to convince myself that it's time to get up.

Next thing I know a little birdie lands on the roof of the trailer, bounce-hops over to my skylight window... looks down at me, taps on it a couple times and then just flies away!

It was so cool, and for some reason so much easier to get up after that ;o)

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Harassment charge in the making

Apparently when you have an ear infection...

"I emptied it the other night" sounds a lot like "I love you, I wanna spend the night"

On conquering ones self

It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell. ~Buddha


I just had a piece of chocolate cake at break, I'm sure the cosmic directions read:
"When consumed, apply directly to waist with a spatula"

Because no matter how good it tastes, I know it will be joining the rest of my wayward body chubb. I'm not concerned right now though, it was that good.

I'm up, what more do you want?

"The trouble with being up is there's all that potential for things to go downhill"

Wednesday, July 14, 2010


I've been sanding down the gunwales on my canoe, because I didn't finish them properly so they got icky black fuzzy moldy ick on them. Worse than some of the stuff growing in the fridge! Anyways I've been trying to get them re-varnished before we leave, and I overdid it a little... I have a HUGE blister on my thumb! Perhaps I exaggerate a little, but still, it hurtses us *pouts*

So at the age of 27 I have learned, that burning feeling when you're sanding means your finger is disconnecting cell tissue.

Early morning glow balls

These are a couple I shot on the way to work this morning, wasn't up in time to catch the early morning dew... but still kinda neat

Awooga! Awooga!

Not only did *both* of my alarms go off (the first is a warm up the second is the Get UP!), I also made a decision of questionable judgment to finish the cool dream I was having. I was flying, well in the initial stages of flying. Which is cool in and of itself, but doubly so because I usually only have dreams like that in the house I grew up in. It was a balanced arm flap, that gradually you would lift up enough to balance-coast your way around with additional flaps gaining you an even better birds eye view.

Finally the town council reached a decision and pulled the alarm, everyone rushed to arm their battle stations and launched into a well oiled routine established in University. A large shot of adrenalin was shunted into my blood stream, I shot up like a puppet, did an impressively coordinated dive roll out of bed... uncoordinately hit the door handle, council checked the time and did a mental status report: Not dressed, haven't eaten, need to pee, no time to waste.

With my mind still fuzzy, and reeling from the feeling of flying, council took over... calling for a body-wide state of "the fireman". First order of business get dressed, then eat, pee at work. The adrenalin was still circulating, with the effect that not all body parts responded as quickly as others. We tried to remove the door handle again with my hip, before everything kicked into high gear.

In a manner of minutes, with running around included I was dressed, wearing a hat, had applied deodorant and had hoovered a bowl of cereal, grabbed my keys and was diving into my car in a modern day biathlon. The second leg was Nascar, on an open-to-the-public winding back country road, complete with daisy-pickin' hills, gravel, blind corners and large oncoming trucks who thought they were bigger than they actually were.

I dodged and weaved, chewed through potholes and ate gravel for breakfast... sliding into work just under the wire, in time for my pit crew to take over and for me to saunter into work, grab a steaming hot cup of motor oil, and start my day as though nothing had happened.

Caution: All stunts were performed by an untrained professional, who does not recommend you try this at home.

The Fit was not harmed during the Nascar portion of this production, however some of the big truck drivers may need to check their pants. The town council will reconvene at 10am after everyone has had a chance to regroup following the emergency this morning.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

No rest for the wicked

Started my morning reading Forecasting Methods and Applications, I know it sounds riveting!

But don't you fret, my day was quickly interrupted and devolved into a minor first aid scrape, where the paperwork took longer than dressing it... and I was irritated because I couldn't find anything in the first aid room.

Finishing that I was promptly interrupted with an SSL issue. Our certificate expired today, as in it should have been renewed yesterday. *Arg* I can't even yell at anyone other than myself ;o)

To add to the jumbo-gumbo cluster I am trying to nail down dates to visit people, and fly to Kelowna at a decent hour for Dad to pick me up, taking into account that we've got to haul the boat before we leave.

Monday, July 12, 2010

What in a timely manner, actually means.

That's how we do things around here; as quickly as we can, so we can do them again.

Do you believe in magic?

I was driving home the other night, and every single one of these larger than life dandylion things were lit up seemingly from within. I was magical, as if the fairies were having a party and using these as the lighting.

I'm still shocked that this picture turned out.

Hello? Can you please tell us how to get to the tundra?

So I drive past this field to and from work nearly every day... okay honestly? Probably every single day. They just finished doing whatever it's called when you bale all the hay together, and I just thought that the way they stacked it looked so cool. They almost look lost, like they are trying to find their way home.

OOoooh sparkly!

If something is blue, chances are it's my favorite colour evar! This weekend my Aunt did my nails and omg I love them, I mean how can you not? Check it out in all its sparkly glory:

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

Heeey yoouuu guuuyyyss! Part Friday.

Woke up to a text message, groaned and replied... yes I need to be picked up, I'm somewhere on 17th Ave sleeping in the MoHo, no I'm not sure what the address is, you'll call when you're closer? K sounds good. *click*


It's approximately 8am, my body is in the process of doing a damage assessment to see if anything's broken, and cautiously checking the status of the digestive system.

*dozing off*

*phone rings* Ok you're on 17th Ave already... It's down the hill, nope don't see you yet... oh yeah, there you are!

We had two great games, I believe we mercy'd both teams... it was a good way to start the ball weekend, get to know where everyone plays and settle in a little. The bit of a break in between was nice too.

That afternoon consisted of jello shots and a team get together at our coach's, where we played volleyball?!?! Because ball all weekend just wasn't going to be enough ;) I made some wicked hot jalapeno poppers, even thought I tested the peppers and put in less than I usually do they were still hot enough to burn you a new arsehole!

The misshap of the night occurred when a beer went down, our hostess was icing her knee so I offered to grab the dust pan. Downstairs under the stairs by the kitty litter. No problem, I can do that, no no no, you stay and ice your knee... Yeah, stood up too fast under the stairs, and proved beyond scientific doubt that I am taller than the space under there. Cracked 'er pretty good, riigggght on top of the bump from last night. *shrugs* what are you gonna do?!?!

Migrated up to the beer gardens, and it was awesome! The bands were wicked, there weren't too many people, just enough for a mosh pit in front of the stage. I'd like to take this moment to thank the three monstrously tall guys who we somehow managed to tuck in behind... I'm pretty sure you kept us safe from the horde all night.

Just as the beer garden crowds were starting to dwindle I decided I was starving, as is wont to happen from time to time ;) There was no pizza to be had, but a perogie stand caught my eye... Babba's Perogies. By the Gods they were the best perogies in the entire world! Having learned how to share in Brownies I was quickly everyone's new best friend.

Now the cool thing they do for the weekend is have free buses running from the beer gardens all over town to prevent drunken idiots from attempting to drive. Great idea! Having a bus driver brake-gas-break-gas-brake-gas an entirely full bus of illegally intoxicated individuals? Noooooo good! We jumped off early, I mean we've walked home from down town a few times before so really, we're close enough.

The thing we didn't realize right away was that we were a block over. Now you wouldn't think that one block would make a lick of difference when you're taking two steps forward and one step back...

But. We usually walk (hike) up suicide hill, so named because it's steeper than the back of your head, and back in the day you could drive up *and* down this narrow street, always running the risk of hooligans launching themselves off of it on the way down and landing on you! Well being over by one block we were on a gentler incline, not so bad one might think... think again! It took *FOORREEEEVVVER* we had to stop for a rest on someone's front lawn! I'm not even kidding you, we never stop for a break on suicide, you look at it go "Holy crap" put your head down and start hiking up the stairs and before you know it you're at the top. Way. More. Bettar.

Crashed out, woke up not feeling too bad, incredible! Sorry but you'll have to wait for the Saturday installment of this weekends episodes ;)

Quote of the past weekend

Don't fake drunk when you're wasted!

Luckily for me I can learn from other people's mistakes too ;)

Monday, July 05, 2010

Hey yoouuuuu guuuyyys! Part Thursday

I just had the awesomest longest weekend evar! I'm not even kidding, I'm so excited about it I keep accidentally hitting the Caps-Lock key and SPONTANEOUSLY YELLING. Ooops sorry about that, told you it was out of control over here! I'm going to have to break this up a bit, I'll try to do it by nightish, and not make you wait too long. Especially since I don't want to forget to tell you about everything awesome!

But seriously it was a fantastic Funtastic weekend. Our team, The Goonies *cue Hey yoooou guuuyys* won the competitive A division of the entire tournament! *Happy dance* there is some ridiculous number of divisions, like A for Awesome through H for Here for the Beer, and somewhere around 150 teams from all over the place.

I had so much fun, that the nights blend together as do the unidentified bruises, aches and pains. The festivities started Thursday night after work... and well, didn't really finish until around hmmm 8pm Sunday night. I'll try to spare you the gory details, and not talk too much about one of our ball players who once stood naked in a creek... Ha. Who am I kidding the story has puke, poop, and the words "How bad could it be?" in it. But that will have to wait for tomorrow night.

Anywhoo Thursday night started out kinda lame, I put laundry on. Super lame. I mean it's a big weekend right? Why haven't I started it sooner huh? Well I got nothing for you... But then I got the call that my favoritest ball girl evar (FBGE) was in town! I made all haste and headed on over to naked boys' house to suck back a couple of beers, meet the new guys on the team, and make fun of the new guy for wearing baseball pants - don't you worry I was envious of them by the end of the weekend... okay my skinned shin was. Anyways trucked 'er up to the beer gardens, and proceeded to bond with my team, catch up and generally dance around and carry on. The two highlights of the night were:

a) attempting to jump through a hulu-hoop while it was spinning around someone's arm, earning myself a goose bump on my noggin', but since I'm not a quitter I tried it again... yeah, I know, slow learner is what you're thinking... in any case I did not make it through, but don't you worry I'm going to keep at it until I get the timing right, or get brain damage. Maybe I can get some free beers NEXT funtastic.

Note: Dear reader, you should probably take a pee break here... I know I sure needed one.

b) My favoritest ball girl evar, had seen some dude who we will now refer to as The Ass, who was dissin' her current boyfriend of forever (BOF) and had said something along the lines of "diss diss diss, we would totally have been a power couple" WTF is a power couple??? I interrupt this to ask you only because neither of us has *any* idea. Anyways, pardon the A.D.D.D.D.D. each time we saw The Ass, she had a little bit of an I'm super frustrated angry "Grrrrr" moment. Well unluckily for him, he was wandering unsuspecting through the beer gardens talking on his cell phone when she pointed him out whist on our way to the watering hole again... Seeing her displeasure I said "Dude, do you want me to take him out?" Now my FBGE, knows that I'm not joking... as at the tourney where we met I tackled some guy who gave me a 7 out of 10 after I did a front hand spring hammered... she lit up like a fat kid in a candy store and says, "That would be great!"

*Hold my beer*. I ran across the entire beer gardens, now dear reader I'd like you to keep in mind that he's like 3 feet taller than me, I went for his knees, rugby tackle style. There was a moment of *squish* before my momentum carried him forward enough to bite it. Got up, inhaled my breath, re-inflated my chest, shook his hand and said "Thanks man!" and walked off leaving him more than slightly confused. Now, in the common affliction I have, known somewhere in France as staircase-wit I realize now that I *should* have said: "YOU KNOW WHY! YOU KNOW WHAT THAT'S FOR!!!" But alas I did not. My FBGE, loved it none the less. And I was greeted with, my drink and an omg-that-was-so-awesome-he-totally-ate-dirt! and *smiles* bright enough to out-do most high class chandeliers!

Anyways that night ended off with an injury count of two, goose-egg and slightly crushed upper right ribs, complements of The Ass. The squish was so worth it!

We had some minor shenanagins finding somewhere to stay, the BOF curled up on the side of the driveway in a sleeping bag asking in a semi-conscious voice for a pillow, but it all ended well with us staying in the awesomest couple's Motorhome affectionately known as The MoHo.

Well, the BOF crawled up into the over-the-cab space, I crawled into the other sleeping bag at the washroom end and grabbed a stuffed penguin to sleep on... my FBGE went to crawl in with her BOF, well here's the dialog that followed...

BOF: "Hey, there's no room up here! You're not gonna fit!"

FBGE: "Are you f*cking kidding me??!!?"

Me: "Dude, there's tonnes of room down here. You're more than welcome to come crawl in if you want"

FBGE: "Seriously? What do you mean I'm not going to fit?!?! You calling me fat? Jerk."

BFF: "It's too small! Go sleep in the other sleeping bag"

At this point she stormed down, "Harumphed", crawled in with me and said "Fine. But I get to be big spoon!" This started the spark-plug giggles, which fired into full blown tired giggles *s* For the next half hour or so, in drunk-time, I savoured the awesomeness of hanging out with someone I admire, and giggling uncontrollably about nothing in particular, namely sleeping on a penguin. Each little giggle setting off a whole new Nascar race of more giggles. It was one of those moments, like when you were 8 years old... I know, think waaaayy back. When you were hanging out with your best friend in the summer time playing, smiling, and laughing, and its as though everything in the world is exactly as it should be.