Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Awooga! Awooga!

Not only did *both* of my alarms go off (the first is a warm up the second is the Get UP!), I also made a decision of questionable judgment to finish the cool dream I was having. I was flying, well in the initial stages of flying. Which is cool in and of itself, but doubly so because I usually only have dreams like that in the house I grew up in. It was a balanced arm flap, that gradually you would lift up enough to balance-coast your way around with additional flaps gaining you an even better birds eye view.

Finally the town council reached a decision and pulled the alarm, everyone rushed to arm their battle stations and launched into a well oiled routine established in University. A large shot of adrenalin was shunted into my blood stream, I shot up like a puppet, did an impressively coordinated dive roll out of bed... uncoordinately hit the door handle, council checked the time and did a mental status report: Not dressed, haven't eaten, need to pee, no time to waste.

With my mind still fuzzy, and reeling from the feeling of flying, council took over... calling for a body-wide state of "the fireman". First order of business get dressed, then eat, pee at work. The adrenalin was still circulating, with the effect that not all body parts responded as quickly as others. We tried to remove the door handle again with my hip, before everything kicked into high gear.

In a manner of minutes, with running around included I was dressed, wearing a hat, had applied deodorant and had hoovered a bowl of cereal, grabbed my keys and was diving into my car in a modern day biathlon. The second leg was Nascar, on an open-to-the-public winding back country road, complete with daisy-pickin' hills, gravel, blind corners and large oncoming trucks who thought they were bigger than they actually were.

I dodged and weaved, chewed through potholes and ate gravel for breakfast... sliding into work just under the wire, in time for my pit crew to take over and for me to saunter into work, grab a steaming hot cup of motor oil, and start my day as though nothing had happened.

Caution: All stunts were performed by an untrained professional, who does not recommend you try this at home.

The Fit was not harmed during the Nascar portion of this production, however some of the big truck drivers may need to check their pants. The town council will reconvene at 10am after everyone has had a chance to regroup following the emergency this morning.