Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Your local friendly shop of little horrors


First she pressure washed my gums, right off my teeth.

Then came the miniature meat hooks, which she scraped between my teeth... mostly... except for that little bit right *there* yeah the reason it doesn't sound like that scratchy scrapey almost chalkboard sound is because that's what is left of my gum, note the tearing flesh sound... and the, yep there you go, see that part that was still attached, it bleeds... when you hit red you've gone too far. Just so y'know.

Alright alright stop *sobs* I'll tell you anything you want to know!!!

We've interrupted this interrogation... to bring you the handsome dentist!

The skies opened up and the angels sang, and one of them spoke to me! He gently poked and prodded and then in a sparkle of pixie dust was gone *dreamy sigh*... what bleeding gums?

"So I'm just going to check your measurements..."

I can tell you that! I'm ~5'8 and about a 36D, now just put the fish hook down cause I'm not gonna be your 170lb sucker!

Yeah the translation for "check your measurements" is I'm just going to jam this thing into the last thread of what's left of your gums, and see if I can make you sneeze by tickling your brain.

Now to finish up we're just going to do a light sanding... but would you like the buff and polish as well? Well, actually we have this new polish in. We paint it on, you wait 15 minutes and then just brush it off! It's so convenient.

So simple!

28 hours later after miraculously not drowning in my own saliva, I was finally able to scrub off the wax varathane. *not impressed* I will gladly take the two minutes of suffocating foam trays any day over that ick.