Best. Pickup line. Ever.

Via text message:

I'm a bra le reader

Sound it out... it will come to you ;)

So there.

Apparently the theme of the week is cool Grandmas. I was talking to another friend of mine whose Aunt had just passed away and she was asking her Grandma if she was going to attend the memorial.

Grandma said something about it being too hot out, to which my friend said welcome to the 21st century Grandma, most new cars have air conditioning and most buildings have air conditioning... Soooo... you'd be hot for however long it takes you to walk between the two...

To which Grandma replied

"Well why should I go? It's not like she's going to go to mine!"

*licks finger* point indeed. How do you counter logic like that I ask you?!?! You don't. The moral of the story is don't argue with Grandma, she wins. Every time.

Cool Grannies

In a conversation with a friend:
I srsly have the weirdest family on Earth. That's why we have the nickname the Griswolds. hehe. I pointed this fact out to my grandma last night and without missing a beat she said

"well it's a good thing we're weird cause otherwise you wouldn't fit in."

HA! That caught us all off guard. Gotta love cool grannies.

Weeeeeee are the chaaaaaaampions!

That's right We. Are. THE. Champions!

So this last weekend, that we just had, was playoffs for my co-ed ball team. It was epic! My team beat a lower level team on Friday, without me as I was breaking in the newly restored from fire cowboy bar Outlaws, very important business.

In any case, we had to play the Irish a formidable team we had been neck and neck with all season. In case you are wondering they are also damn good drinkers, and bring their own motor home to games just to keep the beer cold. I kid you not!

Well collectively, as a team... we shat the bed and lost to the Irish. Thus sealing our fate to take the long way back to the playoff round. This also got Randy two decent belly slaps, he'd bet one the night before over a bottle of tequila but earned the second one when he flinched. We played and won 3 more games on Sat. including a 5 inning hum-dinger against a team (the Outlaws) that had been drunk when we played the Irish at noon... (coincidence? I think not) whose pitcher managed to get tossed from the game for um harassing the umpire. This being his first game back from a three game suspension. They were already playing with an auto-out and the ump wouldn't allow a second substitution. They were a little upset. Understandably.

The last game we played on Sat was ridiculous, we won by 3 runs... everyone was so played out that we were playing at 1/4 ass, which proved to be just enough. We managed to keep the boys from our team from kicking the assholedness out of a new player who "didn't know any better" than to attempt a shoulder drop or a lifted elbow rather than a slide when attempting to get to a base. It was a little tense as he only tried it on the girls. The consensus was learn how to slide, or go play 'F' ball whatever that is... I'm guessing mens ball where you can do dirty shit like that, but chances are you'll get it back too. Besides we all have day jobs, this isn't pro ball. We all dragged our ibuprofen, sore feet and shoulders home for much eating and sleeping.

This ball marathon on Sat. put us in the dubious playoff position vs. the Irish where we had to beat them twice. Yes that's right, the team we were neck and neck with... as in we win one they win one... we had to beat twice in a row. There was some drinking, and some praying to the baseball gods.

I'll cut to the chase, two tight games, of phenomenal ball were played. Good times were had by all, there were no major injuries, and we were all still friends afterwards... but somehow we beat the Irish. Twice. Yep I'm still pointing that out, I don't think you realize how HUGE that is! Twicceeee. Listen to the sound that makes, just at the 'ice' part... ohhhh yeah!

Waiting for the league to order in our guaranteed to fit winnings... guaranteed to fit and someone only ordered/sent large and extra large?!?! I'd just like to point out that ummm 95% of the women who play ball are in fairly decent shape by todays standards, and in any case still aren't a mens large or extra large. Sheesh.

Soundtrack of my life...

Merry Go Round - Terri Clark... the delicate balance of juggling eggs in the air, giving the proper amount of attention simultaneously to each one in order to keep them all air born, unfortunately it turns into a big bucket of yuck if you lose track of one. single. egg.

Particularly:

Ride like the wind
smile like a child
land with both feet on the ground
the trick is to know when to let go...
of the merry go round.

Seriously?

Actual Windows Event Manager Error Description:
The master browser has received a server announcement from the computer STUPIDSERVER that believes that it is the master browser for the domain on transport BunchOfGarbageAndNumbers. The master browser is stopping or an election is being forced.

I particularly enjoy the bit about an election being forced, it sure makes it sound like the servers are electing themselves. What next? We'll probably be voted off the island as a danger to ourselves. Yep pretty sure that isn't too far off.

Back to my crazy ball game last night...

So I got a decent hit out between right field and right center... go burning round first, and on my way to second I'm getting the "Go third, no wait! Stay at two, go three..." obviously a little confusion Wink So keeping an eye on the ball I round two, they overthrow but either the short stop or the third baseman came up with it, as I'm stopping (there isn't enough time to get to three)

I caught my right toe, and managed the most ungraceful bail/faceplant evar! Now I'm a little concerned because now they're definitely gonna throw it back to two... I look and second is too far away to do the crawling scramble and touch the bag, I haul myself up and launch myself head first in the general direction of the bag, somehow the ball didn't get there before me, in fact the second baseman doesn't have the ball... looking around I realize that the ball is out in right field!

Scrambling up again, I start haulin' the mail to third... I can see my base coach giving the slide signal, third is getting ready for the throw, and the pitcher from the other team is right beside me yellin' "SLIDE!" I go for the Superman slide, wind up on third base, safe. and rest my chin on the bag.

They're only little but I managed to scrape my right knee, left and right elbows and I have a little bit of road rash on my belly of all places lol, that and I had to strip down outside last night as I had so much dirt in my sliding shorts! But seriously sooo much fun!

You will know where I stand

I believe that the ideas in a TV show can change the world if we let them.

I believe that something you have to work for, is that much more satisfying when you actually accomplish it.

I believe we can live together, if everyone would just stop and listen to each other for once.

I believe in the wonder of every day life.

I believe you should pass on kindness, you never know when someone else is running a little low.

I believe we should be gentle with Mother Earth.

I believe that just because someone will pay you for something, does not give you the right to sell it.

I believe there are many things our ancestors have tried to teach us, that we haven't learned yet.

I believe in the magic of storytelling.

I believe that all things are in balance, just because we haven't figured out the scale doesn't cause it to cease to exist.

Star light, star bright...

I wish you love. Love to give, love to receive and love to heal all that has come before.

Philosophication

Today I discovered Project Gutenberg. Okay it was yesterday, but today I realized how incredible it is. *nerd alert* In one seemingly small line of code on the command prompt I invoked a recursive download. I feel like I'm downloading the Internet, and that if I'm not careful my laptop will spontaneously break the laws of physics and melt into a black hole consuming the Universe in its wake!

Although I've been feverishly checking the space constraints on my laptop I've downloaded thousands upon thousands of titles in little over 2GB... with 42GB still left to go, I should be okay. I am a little nervous though as the last posted space estimate for downloading the entire project puts it at 15GB in 2004.

It should be okay, I'll just keep an eye on it. Right? Right?!!? *chews fingers down to first knuckle*

I've been randomly flipping through folders of items that have already been downloaded and I'm excited at the prospect of being able to do it when I will have a chance to read the contents. Its like the first tentative tastes of a meal the cook has not yet declared fit for consumption, that makes your mouth water and your stomach demand more.

This project only has books that are in the public domain, so basically all the classics, Jules Vern, Mark Twain, Shakespear... endless biographies of philosophers long dead. And yet these literary works that I was not spoon fed the puree in school, or forced to dissect into the smallest most basic building block excite me. They hold wonders unread, thoughts I've yet to think, and new perspectives on old ideas that directly relate to problems we still face today. They say that history repeats itself, but how can it not... we take leaps of faith in a direction already tried and expect something different to happen.

Maybe just maybe by standing on the literary works of giants, I can expand upon those thoughts and think something that nobody has ever thought before. Wish me luck, its apt to be a long journey.

A quarter for your thoughts

It doesn't matter how long it's been, some people can call you up out of the blue... and just have no idea that they've made your entire day ;)

Granny's are beautiful

I'd just like to start this post with "I have the coolest Granny ever." Full stop. My Granny is 96 years old this year, and we managed to make it up for my middle brothers convocation and a visit the weekend after her birthday.

Yeah she's getting old, and as far as she's concerned nothing works the way it used to, but she's still all there. She's reached the point where she's a little more puffy, especially when she gets excited to see you. She can't quite hear as well as she used to... definitely noticeable when one hearing aid is broken. And she's hit that timeless age, where she looks like Granny. But she still has a twinkle in her blue eyes, that goes with the knowledge that not everything you tell her is exactly how it is *s*.

She concluded our visit with at least a hug and a couple kisses from everyone, as she can never have too many so she "saves them for later" *melting stone heart*. But she caught me for an extra hug on the way out (twist my rubber arm) and said "You'll always be my little west coast girl".

Don't worry Granny, I always will ;)

Grrr

Arguing about the asinine details of doing something that will have no positive results, when no matter what you say will not be taken into account, and you will probably end up doing it anyway. Arguments like that usually end in "Fine".

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

"Fine" when used by a woman rarely means what you think it means, it definitely does not mean "You win" and is in fact roughly translated to "Do whatever you want, but the decision and outcome are now your responsibility." often this means "I told you so" will be heard in the not too distant future.

This is what he said...

User: "How's it going?" he asked, his visage filled with shame.

User: "If I didn't know better, I'd say that you took down the wiki!" she replied full of rage.

User: Yeah. That's about all my creativity right there.

User: I tried to attach a pdf and use the {viewpdf} macro and the whole wiki seems kaput now.

User: *small* please help */small*

Mighty tech goddess (me): Ah but the mighty tech goddess had forseen the crash of the wiki and thusly had created it in the image of the phoenix, that it might restore itself upon its death, invoking ancient service properties, rising from its ashes and again give access to the collective wisdom of the people, cradling that wisdom that they might be smarter than the sum of their brains and go forth and conquer the wild elements of nature, so that man might live in a controlled environment and be happy.

Working on the boat, I'm sure there's a better way

So in a recent whirlwind trip to the Island I was helping my Dad work on some things on his new boat. And like an ex-mistress, we don't talk about 'The Other Boat' anymore.

In the few days I was there, we got a tonne of stuff done it was pretty cool! We ran wiring for the radio. Stowed spare parts in the bottom of the coffin berth, which is literally a bed area you slide into, going into it the other way to access the locker though is a little claustrophobic. The locker in the bowels of that berth is the length of my arm and then some. Hypothetically we only put parts you shouldn't need very often in there, but I would place money that they will be needed when Marimba is doing the jig.

We, or I should say I drilled holes through the hull for D-rings to secure the dinghy, and the bolts to bolt down the emergency life raft. I am unsure whether that was because I can see the end of the drill bit or just because Dad had been putting off being the one to make holes in the hull... I'm leaning toward the latter, I'm sure it will be my fault if those ever leak...

We drilled holes and ran the cable for the Radar... twice. Okay we only drilled once, but true to form we ran the cable, Dad went to plug it in and went crap... I need the other end! He graciously offered to crawl in under the nav station, but I honestly don't think his hand would fit behind the water thing that the hole is tucked in behind...

Half way through the rest of the directions, it started raining... not really hard but big monster drops of rain. So we moved the Radar top into the covered companionway, however the only position that would work for me to support the unwieldy thing had my butt crack directly under the drip line of the dodger.

"Awesomesauce" and I say that as sarcastically as possible.

All it all it wasn't too bad, we got it all together whilst only getting moderately wet by 'Wet Coast' standards. I'm pretty sure by drier country standards we were drowned though. We attempted to mount the Radar only to discover that despite its streamlined shape it made a great sail, and by the Gods that was right when the wind picked up. In any case it was time we took a break for lunch and we managed to convince my little brother to come help with mounting the Radar.

Previous to taking on a third person to help with the mounting we came up with numerous brilliant two person ideas involving everything from using a topping lift attached to a winch, to using one of the yard-arms, to lashing me to the top of the arch... looking back it was so much easier just having that third person!

After congratulating ourselves on not dropping anything in the chuck, and retrieving the bold I managed to juggle drop through the crack in the dock onto the floaty bit underneath... We tackled the bilge pump *ominous music cue*. We had the pieces of tubing, we measured the pieces, hacked them to size and then convinced them that they really wanted to fit onto the necessary elbow joints... okay they almost convinced us they didn't want to fit but then we brought in the boiling water torture and they conceded.

Now picture this, there isn't a lot of room on a boat, especially under the cock-pit where the engine is... so there's my Dad, a middle aged guy who's managed to stuff himself into the starboard space alongside the engine, my little brother who has climbed into the relatively spacious port locker alongside the engine and myself in the companionway having removed the galley ladder. Basically we make up a triangle around the engine and are attempting to stuff said rubber tubing with two, count them one. two. right angled elbows through a space that made those elbows claustrophobic.

As you might imagine those elbows, well maybe they were a little miffed at being forced to permanently hang out with the rubber tubing, or maybe they just woke up on the wrong side of the bed, but in any case they fought tooth and nail not to fit where we wanted them to go. We ended up with Dad stuffing, my little brother using a hammer and chunk of wood to 'coax' the elbow through and myself with the handle of a scrub brush attempting to direct the wayward end away from anything it could take purchase on to prevent further movement. As soon as it was within reach I had to pull... slowly, one hammer thwack at a time my end lined up and over the pump we were attaching it to, and that ladies and gentlemen is probably the hard way of getting the tubing on the bilge pump!

Best wishes when a babe is born

Hope you quickly learn the harmony for the new rhythm in your life ;) ~S

A good day to play ball...

So despite a zombie level of 12 on the 10 point scale, and weather conditions that had not improved since yesterday... ie: sprinkles interspersed with showers... and even after my coffee and tomato breakfast sandwich with bacon on it I was still not prepared to play ball, let alone enjoy myself. Muscles protested repeated use, ibuprofen better known as I-be-brokens and Gatorade were not kicking in nearly fast enough for my liking. Despite layers that would have made an Eskimo jealous...

Despite all of that, getting out on the ball field, the wind on my face, the crack of the bat, the thrill of the chase... tracking the ball, diving, and coming up with that same ball quickly turned my day around.

Playing a team I used to play on, I forgot we were using the smaller ball for girls (meaning they can hit it significantly further than the rest of the season when we all play with the big balls) ran in thinking the ball was going to stall, realized it sure wasn't and made a jump worthy of sponsorship by Air Jordan shoes and somehow snagged the ball! This was followed shortly by a short pop fly, still pumped from my previous catch... running stride for stride with the guy playing right center, realizing he wasn't going to catch it in the air and busting out the reckless abandon and going for it. In that moment there was no other fielder, for that split second there was only the ball and my glove. The seconds that slowed down came crashing back into reality in a fraction of the time, mashed into a dive roll only to come up with the ball facing the outfield fence. I know that my team members on the bench heard how excited I was, I'm fairly confident that everyone else on the diamonds that afternoon heard it too... even if they had no idea what all the shouting was about.

Same team, one of the fastest guys on the team, a guy I would proudly play field with any day decided to play me short. A taunt of sorts. Now usually that gets into my head, and the only thing I want to do is crush the ball... and for no conceivable reason today was not one of those days where that happened. I crushed the ball! I'm told it wasn't far off the warning track. *smug grin* Stick that in your pipe and smoke it! That's right, you just got burned by a girl... in fact you got uuber burned, like a BBQ I can still smell yah!

Another team we played I ended up in the position of not running into a great situation at 2nd base. It did not look good at all! I slid, got hung up on the short stops feet somehow and was *maybe* a toe width away from second. Miraculously he dropped the ball, and I had mere seconds to stretch every muscle in my body around him and wherever I was hung up on to get to that bag... I'm still not sure how I did it, but man did it feel good!

Although the weather only marginally cooperated, and everything was wet, the beer was certainly cold. At the end of the day sometimes all you can say is "It was a good day to play ball"

Things that make my day

When a complete stranger smiles back, and "Thank you sir" when I held the door open at Timmy's ;)

More than a little busy...

So I've been absent the semi-weekly update of laughter and good times here, and it isn't for lack of them in my life that I would share with you... but simply too much going on at the same time. I realize this is a common thread in my life, and it falls under the ridiculous first world dilemma category, but still it is a mess of my own making nonetheless...

I'm in the middle of working a full time job and attempting to pass a Level 2 OFA First Aid course with flying colours. Only because if you pass with flying colours you get a free t-shirt. Damn that University instinct. I'm not sure if I'll ever get rid of that, I mean seriously. I will eat cold pizza at 7am in the morning, even if I'm full... just because it's free. Wish me luck, I'm gonna need it... maybe wish my hypothetical patients luck, they might need it more ;o)

Wanna go ride bikes?

I was thinking however of a story I once read, where Ancient Gods continued to exist as long as someone, somewhere, still believed in their existence. Y'know there's some little part of me that knows the show Xena is over, and even though it lives on in our hearts and memories... still wants to see Xena and Gab together because I'm afraid I'll forget, or afraid it was just like a dream that I will wake up and it never happened, or that if I forget, all the things that were real about that show will cease to exist.

Casual hallway conversation

On comparing a file system merge to mating a hippo with a rhino...

We may both be big,
We may both be from Africa.
But we aren't even in the same genus.
And I ain't goin' anywhere near his *oop*