Wednesday, January 19, 2011

'Frostbite finger' threatens Canadian business productivity

Canadian doctors have noticed a dramatic increase in reported cases of 'frostbite finger'. It is believed that due to lower than average temperatures and increased sales of the iPhone 4 paired with the student deal currently being offered.

According to Dr. Soandso "There's a definite correlation between outside temperature, cell phone use and frostbite finger. We're seeing a lot of soft tissue damage, occurring in minor extremities, most notably fingers but we have had a few nose cases as well."

It is an unfortunate injury seemingly caused by texting on a touch screen in winter. We're looking into the issue and our research department is working on it Jobs reported when we reached him for comment. Because the touch screen requires that an organic item be used to activate it, they cannot be operated while wearing gloves or mittens - a special protective hand covering worn by Canadians about 80% of the year.

The greatest number of reported cases have been in the computer field with the worst cases being rendered unable to type and perform normal duties. Businesses have noticed an increase in sick leave days being taken immediately following a cold snap, and are scrambling to find a solution.

Rumors are circulating that Apple is going to come out with a new product the iMplant that is controlled via thought waves allowing you to operate it telepathically. We were unable to confirm or deny this rumor but remain hopeful that a breakthrough will be made soon, promising a decrease in cases of the dreaded frostbite finger.

*muffled* Oh! Really?!?

*ahem* This just in... the folks at thinkgeek are living up to their reputation and thinking outside of the iBox. We have just received word that they have released a product that should all but eliminate frostbite finger! We give you the Giant Pencil Touch Screen Stylus *trumpeting*