Thursday, April 21, 2011

How to make potato salad.

By Sam

Okay so first you need to find a grocery store, one that isn't too big because you're going to have to walk around it a few times... for like an hour. You will also need access to good friend you can text message repeatedly to check important things... like if Western Family Dijon mustard is okay (it is), or if you need non-pareilles capers or surfines (the non kind)... or if it matters whether you get Florida white potatoes or Tommy's Tiny Taters Yellow... (it really doesn't matter)

Next carry your purchases into the place where you will be preparing the salad. Unpack enough things to remember that you didn't get all the fresh herbs because they didn't have them at the small grocery store you shopped at.

Have a friend fry up the bacon, and cook the potatoes while you run down to the nearest grocery store. Make a complete tour of the grocery store.  Give up, ask the nice man that works there where the fresh herbs are.

Attempt to follow the recipe, while thinking about riding bikes, lasagna, the newest visiting nephew, riding bikes, Dad sailing and the fact that you forgot to pick up Dijon mustard after asking what kind you needed... interlaced with background conversation... and hoping that you don't forget anything important while reading it out of order.

Remove the potatoes from the burner that you've left the on for too long, drain and leave in sink.

Continue assembling ingredients until you are moderately organized.

Read through the recipe one last time, and condense it into easy to follow directions: Chop potatoes into bowl, pour in vinegar mixture attempting to coat all potatoes, fold in everything else... gently.

Quickly quality test it while nobody is looking to ensure it wont have any harmful side effects, like those listed after TV medications including death.

After it has been served, wait until the first few bites meet with approval before you declare "It's like a surprise in every bite!" You can consider it officially approved when your test subjects connoisseurs go back for seconds and declare it in no uncertain terms "Superly surprising and extremely bad-ass culinary triumph!"