Monday, August 15, 2011

How to park the camper

It is very important, that when you go camping, as a couple you have worked out how to park a camper...

Man's criteria: The area should be relatively flat.
Wife's criteria: Closer to the washroom, closer to the picnic table, must have the nicest view available, and... I suppose relatively flat.

It is important to note here that the Wife's relatively flat is not the same as the Man's relatively flat. In fact these figures can differ by almost a foot.

Start off with a light verbal fencing. Both arguing in favor of the spot they've chosen as the right one... even though they both know, Man will come around to the Wife's position when she says: "You're such a good driver honey, I'm sure you can back it in here no problem." At this point Man's ego puffs up his chest by blowing hot air up his... *coughs* and says "Of course we can, we are Man!"

Next the wife assumes the role of the air traffic controller, consistently standing *only* in the blind spots using a rare dialect of hand signals known only if you're telepathetic... all the while shouting helpful hints into the roar of the exhaust including such phrases as "Yep just a little bit further, no no tuck it in a bit... yep, no the other way... straighten out, wait pull forward a little... hang on... oh yeah, yeah you're good... now you just need 4 more inches" (This is similar to the relatively flat size discrepancy thing...) Man's muttering and grumbling drowns in the rumble of the diesel, which has saved many a marriage.

Finally comes the device of measuring levelness... followed by the shovel, and most of a box of flat firewood. A half-foot stack of firewood on one side, a trench on the other, and some serious golden horseshoes later and you have yourself a perfectly level camper. Be sure to build up that bottom step though, as the camper has more or less attained porch height status!

Woman's Conclusion - "See honey, I knew you could park it here, nice work! Just look at this beautiful view!" Translation: I told you you could do it ;)

Man's Conclusion - "If I'd gotten out here before her, I could have had the camper parked and set up in 10 minutes and been drinking a cold one already!"